


Chainsmoking

by soleadotris



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Rafael is soft for Sonny, i cri, obscene lack of punctuation, squint to see the fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 17:17:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21165281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soleadotris/pseuds/soleadotris
Summary: "i didn't pray for me. hell, i didn't think of me for a second." he sniffles, "i prayed for you, Raf."Takes place after Next Chapter, so you know it's angsty.





	Chainsmoking

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not very good at this 'writing' thing.
> 
> also, listen to Chainsmoking by Jacob Banks. it's worth it.

**_it's getting harder to breathe_**  
**chainsmoking your love**

he leans against the brick wall and gets out his pack of cigarettes. he hasn't smoked in a long while. he didn't need to. he flicks the lighter on with trembling hands, but the cigarette won't light up. "goddammit!" he curses.

  
he hears Rafael's voice in his head, "_blasphemy, detective_."

  
sliding down the wall, his suit jacket wrinkling. and _oh_, it starts snowing.

  
he can't close his eyes. he refuses to. because every time he does, he sees Tom Cole. he feels the cold metal against his forehead. he stares down the barrel of a gun. the cold of the icy wind nipping at his cheeks doesn't compare to the cold of the tip of the gun.

** _can't be good for my sanity_ **  
**can't be good for my lungs**

  
he remembers the way his lungs constricted. he remembers the stupid way he tried to talk Cole down. stupid, stupid, stupid.

  
a shadow falls over him.

** _i know my lease is up and the bailiffs at the door_ **

  
Rafael Barba.

** _and i'm still holding onto the life we had before_**

"oh, Dominick."

and Rafael sits next to him. Sonny can't bring himself to feel bad at the fact that Rafael's slacks are bound to get dirty.

** _i know this love won't lead me to the Lord_ **

  
"i prayed Raf." Sonny's voice cracks, "his eyes were so empty and i prayed."

Sonny's entire body shakes and tears rack through him. "i didn't pray for me. hell, i didn't think of me for a second." he sniffles, "i prayed for you, Raf."

Rafael's breath hitches in his throat.

  
** _although i'm black and blue, i'm begging you for more_ **

  
"Dominick, please. don't spiral down. i'm here. and i'll always be here."

  
Sonny huffs a pathetic, empty laugh. "you don't have to be here."

  
"i'm not obligated to be with you. it's snowing and i want to be here. i crave to be with you."

  
Sonny's head rests on Rafael's shoulder. Rafael turns to him and with gentle fingers, lifts Sonny's chin to look up at him. "let's go home, mi sol. i'll get you all cleaned up and we can watch your trashy television shows and i'll hold you until you smile."

  
Rafael feels Sonny nuzzle into his neck and take a deep breath. he smells like home, Sonny decides. they hold hands in the cab and it's a silent, heavy drive home.

  
with every step into the apartment, Raf removes his suit, the clothes scattered everywhere, leaving a trail to the shower.

  
and Rafael washes the blood out of Sonny's silver hair. the weight Sonny put on himself, the guilt, the self-loathing, flows down the drain with Cole's blood. Rafael holds him as if he's afraid Sonny'll leave. Sonny will never leave.

  
** _although i'm black and blue, i'm begging you for more_ **

  
Sonny's the one who kisses Raf. their first kiss since this morning. he smiles against the kiss. Rafael knows that they'll have to talk about Sonny needing to go to therapy, but that can wait until tomorrow.

  
"you called me Sonny," Sonny smiles, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes as usual. and goddamn, Rafael's whipped.

  
Raf pouts, "i plead the fifth."

  
Sonny laughs and Rafael fears that his heart might burst with love. and suddenly, he doesn't mind.


End file.
